Lips Richmond

[TW rape]

stfurapeculture:

Submitted by anon:

Last summer I met this man who was really fun to hang out with. We became friends and would humorously flirt with each other, but I had no intentions to do anything with him and he knew it. I was romantically involved with another person, and he had a girlfriend. Every now and then he would indirectly announce his wish to have sex with me, and my answer was always no. He kept pressuring me for so long, complimenting me and talking dirty but I never took it too seriously. I’m suffering from depression, and at the time I sometimes took drugs to make myself feel better when my medication wasn’t working. One time he asked me if I’d like to do some with him, just to chill out, and I agreed. We would also drink, and I felt really relaxed, dizzy, sleepy, slightly nauseated and would lay down in my bed. He lay next to me. He started touching me, and eventually have sex with me. The whole experience was so foggy, I was only half aware of what was happening and felt like I had no control, no dignity, no self respect. I just let go, couldn’t even look at him, avoided his gaze and tried to imagine it was someone else to make it more bearable for myself. On some level it worked, and I thought about my loved one the entire time. Afterwards he would ask me several times “Was it good? No really, was it good?” and I said yes every time just to shut him up. When we met again later, he asked me not talk about it to anyone because he was afraid his girlfriend would find out. It was devastating and embarrassing. I felt used, guilty and disgusting. I felt like in the end it was all my fault because I couldn’t say no. Because I took what he offered. I fear to talk about this to anyone because I’m just too embarrassed I did everything wrong.

Oh, anon, you didn’t do anything wrong, I promise you! When you were sober, you always said no to his advances. He waited until you incapacitated and then took advantage of that to rape you. You didn’t consent. You didn’t choose that. You don’t share any blame for not being able to say no. He’s the one who did something wrong. Please, try to forgive yourself and put the blame where it goes. You can talk to a counselor about it if you’d like. They are trained to help survivors and won’t judge you or think anything that happened was your fault.

Posted 3 months ago — 5 notes